I’m not sure how to act. I see things that remind me of her every where. Butterflies, rainbows, roosters, pretty little things, and other things. Some days i just want to talk to her, tell her something dumb or meaningless, but I can’t. I have no parents. I’m an adult but I’m still such a little girl. The world kept on spinning, i kept on going, my family kept doing the things they needed to. She will never see Billy graduate, she will never see Jade get married, or Lola drive. She loved my kids so much. They talk about her daily. It never gets easy. I guess this too will be part of my life. I never got to just cry, I thinnk I need to, but I don’t know how. I hate being seen as weak or not together. Can not properly mourning hurt someone. I wish I could dream of her. Then I could see her again, but since her death I haven’t had a dream. Why can’t I dream. I miss her.
I will not win this battle, I must let go. Our friendship has been through awesome highs and very sad and awful lows, but I can’t watch you self destruct. If you survive this battle I hope the best for you. I want you to live a great life. I love you!